October 15, 2009

3 Tips for Headache Free Homework Help

1. Focus on the Task not the Child. As frustration over homework mounts, the crankier your child gets and the more likely they are to head in a downward spiral towards a melt-down that can ruin the entire family's evening. The good news is that adults have the power to keep this downward spiral from occurring. How? Focus on the TASK. The task is "circle the letter(s) making the long vowel sound" or "write a paragraph on..." or "solve the following addition problems". When your child begins with a statement such as, "This is just way too hard! I'll never be able to do this!" Answer with, "Let's see, 432 + 398 = ____. Looks like we have to start with 8 + 2. That's 10. So, write a 0 here and carry the 1." As adults, we tend to want to encourage them first which can lead to discussions about their abilities, their worth, motivation, and responsibilities. Focus quickly moves away from the task and onto the child's character. When the conversation starts to stray, bring it back by pointing out the task. It's a trick educators call "redirecting." Redirect their minds from thoughts of helplessness to completing the task at hand by talking about and showing them how to do the work. Even if they ask you a direct question like, "Why do I have to do this?" Answer with, "Oh, look! You know this! 10 divided by 2 is 5! Write that down!!! Quick! Before you forget!" Amazingly, they will have quickly forgotten what they asked you.  
2.  When They Ask For Help, Give It. Many times the adult becomes slightly emotionally unglued when a child hasn't "gotten it" after about umpteen lessons and examples. When you feel your blood pressure rising, take a deep breath, spin around a few times (you can do this mentally), exhale, and then show them again....calmly. It may just take the ump-teenth time + 2 for them to "get it". Remember how long you held their hands before they were able to walk on their own? Computing multiplication, composing an essay, and figuring out the scientific method isn't exactly a walk in the park. 
3. Keep It Contained Many emotions can come up during homework time. Punishments may have been dealt, deals may have been negotiated, and ominous predictions about gloomy days to come if they don't (circle one: shape up, start taking more responsibility, or get more serious) might have slipped out. Whatever happened, keep it contained by shifting the emotions upon completion. Here's how. Before your child leaves the designated homework spot and right after the homework is done do a very small ritual to celebrate completion and remind them that you love them unconditionally. A high five might be enough. You may already have a cute family song or silly dance you do together that can break up homework time to transition into family time. If you don't, you can make up a secret homework-complete handshake. Get super silly with it and create a chant such as "Sweet, sweet. My homework's complete. My brain is full, my workday's done, now it's time to have some fun!" In order for it to work, it has to happen EVERY SINGLE TIME the homework is complete. This may mean you will have to arrange yourself to be next to your child as soon as the homework is done for a few days or a couple of weeks. After it becomes a ritual, your child might not leave the table until they have called you over to do the ritual with them. Enjoy!!